Thursday, 5 November 2015

I'm already somewhere


"Are you aware that you are 90% cartoon?" ~My classmate, this morning

And thus I took to this page to chronicle the adventures of a cartoon girl newly released into a 3D world.

I have made new friends. I have come into contact with people I never in a million years would have spoken to if we weren't in a class together. I have been branded (lovingly, I'm sure) the nerd for taking notes in class on a day that wasn't going to be covered on the test. I look forward to class, and on the days that I don't, I am so incredibly happy to be there as soon as I walk through the door. The people around me are thinking. I am proud of the first essay I turned in. Every word out of my acting teachers' mouths simultaneously flies over my head and punches me in the gut. The first day of Introduction to Theater Production we watched clips of Spiderman The Musical, and Pharrell Williams works here now.

I love it here.

When I was around 14, I had a blog on which I wrote 183 posts. Looking back on them now they seem ridiculously silly, and I had to close the page before rereading them talked me out of creating this new one. I am, as I write this, still trying to convince myself that this is not a stupid idea. Friends of the interwebs... convince me.

I suppose that, in order for all of you to fully understand this story, I have to start with mini-Kaila, say a mere five years ago.

I don't know who first put the words 'New York University' into her head. But there they were, ricocheting around, making noise up there with all of the rest of the outlandish ideas. For some reason, that one stuck.

"Where do you want to go to college?" People asked. I had my answer. Honestly, (Mom, don't freak out) the older I got, the less sure I was of my choice. How could I possibly have a handle on where I wanted to spend four years of my life? I started to give that answer just so the adults had a starting place for conversation. It was my least favorite topic.

We all know how nebulous the idea of college seems before we get there, so I will spend zero time explaining what that was like.

But you guys, and don't think I'm being cheesy here, something clicked. I didn't get to go on any tours of the school. The website looks like its creators went back in time and found someone that had never heard of the internet to design it. Tisch is completely different than it was ten years ago, but I was just kind of in love.

I have no idea how I got here.

I remember filling out my common application, but my essay felt silly and my answers felt like I was auditioning to be a pageant queen. Sure, I took the SATs twice, but my score never went up. In fact, it stayed exactly the same--not one point of a difference. I worked for 12 years, as my mother loves to say, in a vacuum. "I went to school at laptop," as my new suite-mate Jasmine likes to say. (She rocks, but more on that later.) Besides the Tennessee standard testing and the conversations I had with my friends (and let's face it, how many kids have you ever gotten to willingly talk about their schoolwork with their peers?), I had no earthly idea how I fit in to the masses of amazing individuals.

My audition felt surprisingly normal. It was just like every other audition I'd ever done. I sang. I performed two monologues. I danced. I talked to a man about my life. I told him my sister drew on her face with magic marker once (Sorry, Ari). I'm not sure how any of that was impressive.

I don't think I realized until after it was all over that applying to one school regular decision is not a normal thing to do.

I have no idea how I got here, but I am so immensely grateful that I did.

A mini rundown of my program: NYU --> Tisch School of the Arts --> Drama Department --> Stella Adler Studio of Acting

So yeah, college is a new experience for everyone. But, and this may be unfair to say so correct me if I'm wrong, it's another game completely to tiptoe out of my sleepy little backwoods town and leave the homeschooling life behind for the wonderful hailstorm of information that is NYU.

Here is a short and very incomplete list of things I have learned since coming here:
1. Homeschooling is not a normal thing. It is much more normal in Small Town, TN than in the Big Apple.
2. I dress like a child. Apparently the Disney t-shirts and polka dotted skirts do not give off the 'college age' vibe. Shocker.
3. College kids are still teenagers. This summer was not the magic chamber of maturation that I had thought (or let's be honest, hoped) it would be.
4.Trust the world, it is not out to get you.

Please don't get confused. I promise that these accounts are not just going to be a detailed listing of the goings on in school. This is just my life, turned from a 4D experience into 2D words so that maybe I can get across just how thrilled I am that this is the life I'm living.

Lots of people keep asking me if this has been a big transition for me. The short answer, crazy as it may sound, is no. I wear shoes more than I did back home, but to be honest, I sort of feel like the city fits me better. People don't think that I talk too fast here. My walk is a normal speed to everyone else. I can wear black (and trust me, I do). I never have to drive a car again. I can have sushi for three meals a day or eat dinner at ten PM when I'm actually hungry. There are two bookstores within walking distance of where I live. AND a cupcake shop. It's like they planned it just for me. There's a music room with a piano in my dorm and I've written a few songs since I've been here. Every time I walk down the street I see something inspiring. Maybe it's a beautiful building, or maybe it's a street performer, but more often than not it's the conversations.

Here's the thing about New York. You can look at it one of two ways: you're never alone, or you're always alone. You're in a crowd of people, but it's almost like you're a ghost. You move through the masses unnoticed. That could drive some people insane, but it might just be my favorite thing. You know what I heard a man say the other day? Just this phrase: "The boy from Montana and the girl from No Where In Particular". It is entirely possible that no one else finds that as hauntingly intriguing as I do. Actually I kind of hope that's the case so that I can share the words with all of you and still feel like they're only his and mine. But think about all of the things that could mean?! I hear phrases like that every day. Tale ends or tiny snapshots of living ghost stories that I will never get to finish. I get to make up my own endings. And therefore my head is packed with a million adventures that I share with these strangers. It's magnificent.

Every day something strange and wonderful happens to me. I met a homeless man named Mark who told me if I ever had any problem at all, I shouldn't hesitate to ask him for help. I bring him extra apples from the dining hall when I can. The other day I walked through some huge video shoot in Washington Square Park. I held eye contact with Joseph Gordon-Levitt (I'm certain you've already heard that story, but it's important). Today a man took a second away from his phone call to tell me he liked my shirt. I had lunch with a student I'd never spoken to outside of class before. Every day here is an adventure. I step outside my building and I'm already somewhere.

There are little cards on our dorm-room door that have our names on them. They each say "____ is sweet because..." and then we were supposed to fill them out. It was decided within the first two weeks that I, having been homeschooled in a small town in TN ("That again..." You're rolling your eyes. Sorry to say it, but it'll probably come up a lot), the holes in my knowledge made me quite similar to a certain Kimmy Schmidt. The clothes probably didn't help. My card on the door now reads, "Kaila is sweet because... she is unbreakable." I won't lie, I'm proud. I freaking love Kimmy Schmidt, I can't wait for season two, but more than that, it's a good reminder. I am secretly proud every time someone makes a reference to pop culture that I don't understand. Sure it's silly that I've never heard of that rap artist or that I had no idea that you can't wear stripes with polka dots (Mom I'm kidding I know you taught me that's not a thing), but I love knowing that for all my weird quirks and confusions, I still made it here. I'm thoroughly me and I'm still exactly where I promised mini-Kaila she'd go.

Now, that's not to say that everything about this place is perfect.

Being a freshman in college is sort of like releasing a million baby giraffes into the wild and telling them to behave like full grown animals. These kids are falling over themselves trying to seem as sophisticated and adult as possible. It's wonderful in a way, to see so much effort.  It's also a little bit exhausting.

The biggest issue, though, believe it or not, is simply coming to terms with how much there is to do. Between NYU and Stella Adler and the great big city there is always something. Yesterday there was a talkback with the creators of A Gentleman's Guide To Love And Murder and I didn't go because I was so exhausted. It's unbelievable. In the past two months, this is a snapshot of all of the art that I have crammed into my world:

4 Broadway shows
3 Off Broadway shows
3 plays
3 cabarets
1 fashion show
1 opera
1 poetry reading
4 concerts
3 interviews
2 book launches
1 art museum (two times)

and I'm going to the MET Museum tomorrow.
It's constant.
I love it.

As far as performing myself goes, there hasn't been too much of it, and there probably won't be for my first year of school. We aren't allowed to audition for anything at Tisch until our second year, which already has me itching. That said, I got to sing on two separate open mics at Birdland, where the owner invited me back, put my name on a fancy list, and gave me a tshirt. I got to work on a friend's roommate's project for his film class. I was a part of the NYU 24 Hour Play Festival, where students wrote, learned, and performed 60 new short plays all in under 24 hours. (Short detour: A month and a half after the performance, I went out with some friends who also brought some other friends along, unknown to me. After about five minutes of them trying to figure out where they had seen be before, they started jumping up and down and actually screaming because I was "the girl from the 24 Hour play", which had been their favorite. I cannot lie to you all. I was pleased.)

I am very much a modern day Nick Carraway in the great big Gatsby party that is New York City. The other day I went to see Spring Awakening and one of the actors remembered me from a cabaret we both sang at two months ago. I haven't gotten lost on the subway. Jasmine Cephas Jones told me she liked my hair (twice). A new friend gave me a ticket to go see Lupita Nyong'o in her new play. I got to see Hamilton with my cousin. My favorite blue eyed human spent a week with me here. My roommates are lovely. I have a kitchen but I still order breakfast from under the covers every morning. My ballet teacher is taking a hiatus to assistant direct The Color Purple on Broadway and our wonderful sub was a Rockette. I have a huge bag of York Patties sitting on my desk. I am surrounded by young men and women who live in my building and go to my classes who I wish I could convince to just think out loud because they are so smart that I want to hear what their imagination sounds like.

This is it, friends. My life in the city. I am still the same small town mess of a girl that was always hanging around, there's just been a small change of scene. My hair is still wild and there are still bows in it. I still can't walk in heels and I still don't like olives. I still trip on things and bump into people a lot, except now I have a metro card and my cartoon existence stands out just a little more against the multi-dimensional background that is the city that I have always loved. This is my life, and I am so giddy and grateful to be living it. I look forward to sharing the adventures with you all.

7 comments:

  1. This is awesome, thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Add "gifted writer" to your long list of accomplishments!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kaila....this makes me smile :)
    You are EXACTLY where you were meant to be!!!
    ENJOYI !

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can I just say that this was a perfect start to my day. You have a talent for writing that I was totally unaware you possessed. Thanks for sharing the adventure!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kaila this is amazing and I love you and I can't wait to read more about your life so I can be living vicariously through you <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Also this is M'Kenzy not a creep~

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love love having you here and seeing the city through your eyed! Nancy

    ReplyDelete